Losing Love To New Beginnings

I sit in my spot at this empty amphitheatre to spectate what is outside it. Parrots fly over a sun drowning under the distant line of trees, flowers white and pink bloom around me as the sparrows hiding under them chirp at a brilliant, orange sky.

And yet, all I see is grey.

I’ve been here countless times, and yet today I find myself in a different place. I think not about the vibrance around me but what is missing from it, about those who no longer sit with me here. Some have moved on and left me puzzled — is it just me who hasn’t had enough of this beauty? Should I be angry at them for not keeping close to their hearts what I do to mine?

And then there are those who were taken away by force of circumstance and remain in a similar predicament. I feel sorry for them.

Why is it that I love things the most when I’m the closest to losing them? Is it not better to just forget all feelings right before? Perhaps the future holds prettier things, but how do I let go of what I love for what’s more appealing? I don’t want to leave.

Wise men say “don’t cry because it’s over, smile because it happened”. But what do I do about the fear of it ending while it’s still going on? How do I convince myself to enjoy it when at every moment all I see is what I must soon let go of?

I fear I’ve spent too much time thinking.

For the sun has gone down and the parrots with it. The sky is no longer the brilliant orange it was, and turns darker by the minute. The sparrows are silent and it’s a bit too dark to see the flowers. I feel my fear slowly turning into an angst toward the circumstance — I understand morning will come soon and the sparrows will chirp again, but I will be somewhere else when it does.

The future shows itself faster than I get enough of the present, I hate the past for taking away everything I love. It has happened before and will happen again, I’m tired of losing love to new beginnings.